Quite recently (today in fact) I experienced a very traumatic event. One which I've experienced before, far too many times.
Being quite good at compartmentalising myself, and needing to focus away slightly, I realised that today's events have given me something to blog about.
When we experience something mentally traumatic, many of us feel a pain deep down in our gut. A sort of discomfort.
Some people refer to this perhaps as butterflies, or 'the second brain doing the thinking'.
It happens to different people at different times. So, if you're charged with making a speech, or are about to go into an interview, it can strike. It's perhaps the nerves causing it.
For others it commonly occurs, when we're faced with a bereavement, relationship breakup, loss of a job or a friend, and then it hits, and boy does it smart.
I remember once having to visit a parent post a death of their child (an adult). There was no easy way to do it, and I knew their son well, and was there in an official capacity. Before visiting I must have smoked several cigarettes and drunk several cups of coffee - both of which are far from helpful. I parked up around the corner, and read the notes of what was appropriate to say, and what wasn't.
I felt like poop, and nothing could prepare me for what I was about to experience.
I entered the property, and understandably, the parents were very emotional, more so since I arrived. Their eldest son, in his 30's would be arriving shortly, and they were going to tell him face to face about his brothers death.
On his arrival, his parents were beside themselves, so, I had to tell him.
I will never forget him dropping to his knees and crying out 'It hurts' as he grasped his stomach sobbing, being comforted by his mum and dad.
I stayed some time longer, and sadly, and ashamedly never saw them again.
For days afterwards I felt very rough, again with this tightness of the stomach, whilst dealing with my own stress and emotions.
As the years progressed, and my work involved me dealing with death and the after affects more frequently, I became used to the feelings and emotions of strangers, or perhaps I was just better prepared, or in a better position to distance myself.
With friends and family, the feelings remain the same.
As relationships have failed, the same feeling is there. The disappointment, and loss of mutual plans and hope for the future is similar to a bereavement in many ways.
The same goes for stress - except, for many, the addition of adrenaline is made available through the bodies fight or flight response, and coping in the immediate time seems to be easier. The after effects of a stressful event can bring about all those feelings though - a result of 'Post Traumatic Stress'.
We have little choice but to cope with the situation life deals to us. But, there are a few things we can do to help us along the road to recovery. Yes. Recovery. Things will get better (They always do), even if during, and after the event, it doesn't seem that way.
Recovery can take hours, to days, to weeks. If things don't pick up, or they seem to be getting worse, there's people out there to help (See below).
In the immediate time, there are things that can help a little though.
The first is to eat. I don't mean compensational eating, but, retaining your usual diet. Don't skip meals. This always makes matters worse. Even if you feel as though your going to throw up, eating a little, something light perhaps, can just take the edge off the stomach pains.
What you're actually doing is you're giving you stomach some work to do - keeping it busy.
In some circumstances, you may have diarrhoea, or be physically sick. This is not always abnormal - but, it may be best to just get a second opinion from a professional. Consider calling NHS direct, or visiting you're GP. In an emergency, then out of hours GP's are available, or A&E if it is life critical.
It is important, if you do have diarrhoea or sickness that you replace the lost fluids to prevent dehydration. (Dehydration will also make you feel poorly). Sip plenty of water.
Secondly, keep active. You're not trying to forget about events, but what you're actually doing is mixing the thoughts of these traumatic experiences with non traumatic ones.
As I type here, right now, the events of today are in the forefront of my mind. I can't get them out - but I'm doing other things. Watching a movie perhaps that makes you feel safe and comfortable. Drinking a warm drink. Catching up on TV, Reading a book, and so on. It may help to write down your experiences. This is called 'Working Through', and is particularly helpful to me when I have these feelings. I ritually burn the pages in the fire place then as a way of letting go the feelings. Perhaps that would just work for me, I don't know.
Thirdly, Talk to others. Tell people you know and trust how you feel. Tell them about what's happened. Do it in a way to just get it off your chest, but also respect their thoughts and feelings.
If, like so many people out there, you can't think of anyone you can talk to, then professionals exist who can help you (See below).
Fourthly, Get rest. Don't be afraid to take time off (Although working through helps me) At work, let your line manager know of the problem - it's natural that performance may be effected, and it will help for them to know your going through a rough time. Take time for yourself. Get plenty of sleep. If your thoughts and feelings are interacting with your sleep to the point that you can't get any rest, consider contacting your GP for advice.
As said previously, you will get through your experience, there is sadly no easy way, and each person differs.
If you know of anything that might help, please do comment below.
Need someone to talk to?
Go to: www.samaritans.org , or call the Samartians on 08457 90 90 90 . The Samaritans can be emailed confidentially at jo@samaritans.org and good listeners.
Don't be afraid to ask for help from your GP, friends or family. The world is filled with people who care.
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